Spontaneity is the spice of life

My motherhood motto as of late... "An adventure a day keeps the whining at bay". And it rings true, not only for my littles, but also for myself. We are all much happier when we are able to get out of the house, when we are able to experience something new and different. Don't get me wrong, routine is everything to us, but spicing up that little window of time we have in between naps is a must.

I've noticed myself falling into a funk lately. I've been complaining more than usual and running out of patience constantly. It's been a tough year, and lately, I have been struggling to recognize the simple blessings in my everyday life. I end up feeling so darn guilty, and just generally angry with myself for feeling the feelings I feel. (so many feelings). So in light of all that,  I recognized the need for a change... the need for an adventure (and so did my husband).

Last month, I went to Hawaii. I traveled across the continent and paid my good ole college pal a visit. One of my best gals is travel nursing, and she has literally been all over... New Hampshire, Virginia, Texas, Colorado, Washington... and now Hawaii. She is taking chances left and right, and boy am I proud of her for doing it. I've been dying to hop on a plane and visit her, but the stars never really aligned and to be honest, I just didn't really think it was a possibility with two little ones and our chaotic schedule, that is until now. It was Kiel's idea actually. He saw that two of my other girlfriends were traveling out to Hawaii to visit and he basically said "Why aren't you there?!". I responded "Uhhh... because it's impossible." I obviously thought he was joking at first, but after a long winded discussion, he convinced me it was a must. So 48 hours before takeoff, I booked a flight and off I went. It was spontaneous, downright impulsive, but I don't regret it one bit. Because when I came to my littles and my man, I was refreshed. I was more patient, more kind, and generally just a better version of me. We all need a little break from reality sometimes, and this trip was exactly what I needed to recognize that my reality is pretty damn great.

So anyways, here are a few photos from my trip. If you ever have the opportunity to go to Hawaii, absolutely do it. And if you ever get the opportunity to take a break from reality and get away, take it.

Balance

We are two and a half months in now as a family of four. Things are going rather smooth most days. Alec is adjusting to Wes and Wes is adjusting to life on the outside. Honestly, I think the one struggling to adjust the most is me. It's the lack of sleep that I find most challenging. Getting out of bed in the morning has never seemed more difficult. But whether I like it or not, I hit the ground running every day. I wake to a whimper or a cry... and hardly get a chance to pee before I am assuming my role as Mama again. I often drink my coffee cold, and I seriously can't remember the last time I shaved my legs, but ya know, it's worth it. Every damn bit of it.

Time seems to be flying by, but somehow the days seem so long. Getting out of the house on these chilly winter days seems to be more hassle than it's worth. We've been spending most of our time at home, and to be honest, it's been easier than I thought it would be. My big boy has been playing so well on his own. He is learning that I can't tend to him at every moment of need. He heads down to his playroom every morning after breakfast and can sometimes occupy himself for hours. The boy has quite a vivid imagination and I am so grateful. He's a great kid, but that's not to say he doesn't have melt-downs every now and again. I mean he's two, so it's to be expected.

And my littlest guy, he is just the smiliest little dude around. And I feel like I am really starting to figure him out. Wake, eat, play, sleep... repeat. He takes his meals very seriously. And the kid can't sleep a wink without being tightly swaddled. At night, he is sleeping in his own room, in his own crib, which is a real fete for me. (Such a drastic difference than with my first). I was hoping this transition would help him sleep longer stretches, but we are still managing about two wake-ups per night. I know it could be worse, but it doesn't mean I'm not exhausted.

I started back to work about two weeks ago. (I'm a nurse if you didn't know) It didn't take long to get right back into the swing of things. Just like riding a bike, it all comes right back to ya. This transition has probably been the most challenging. Wes is still so young, and I had to return after only eight weeks at home. Sleep is minimal, all around. Restless nights at home, and sleepless nights at work. Coffee is truly the best thing on earth, it keeps me sane. The hustle bustle of balancing it all has been tough on my husband and I, but we are managing. And although things are a bit chaotic now, I know they will get easier with time. There is light at the end of this tunnel, and I just need to remind myself that one day I will look back and miss all of this. These boys of mine are only this little for so long and I need to cherish these days spent at home with them as much as possible.

So overall, life is kind of crazy right now. And honestly, it may only get crazier. And I have come to terms with the fact that I may have permanent spit up stains on my shoulders, and my coffee may never be hot again. I'm learning to accept my Mom bod as best I can. I'm realizing that it's okay if the house isn't perfectly tidy at all times of the day. I'm embracing the crazy, because these boys of mine are so, so worth it and life is just too short to worry about all the nonsense.

Introducing...

Our baby boy. Isn't he just the sweetest little thing you've ever laid eyes on? 

Things are going well over here. Kiel is officially back to work after the long holiday weekend and it's just me and the boys from sun up to sun down. I was nervous. How was I going to comfort both of them when needed, how will I find the time to change two poop-filled diapers at once? But to be honest, it's okay. I'm figuring it all out, slowly, but surely. 

Life with two is actually pretty grande. I often find Alec standing over baby Wes in his swing... speaking softly "hi baby wes, how ya doin in there". And just before bed each night, we all five cuddle up in our big king bed. Alec watches a little show, Wes nurses into a deep snooze, and all is well in the Drake household. That's not to say we haven't had our fair share of hiccups here and there. Nursing a newborn is challenging. It sometimes feels as though my arms are always full. My husband has mostly been tending to Alec and it makes me happy to see their little bond grow, but I can't help but feel a bit envious too. It's interesting and somewhat difficult to embrace the new dynamic. But so is life, and I realize that things will change, and it will get easier and we will all eventually adjust in due time. For now,  I am doing my best to embrace it all. To soak up that little baby smell, to bask in those quiet moments that I am nursing in the wee hours of the night. After all, they are only this little for so long... and who knows if I'll get a chance to do this all a third time. 

I hope you all had a lovely holiday amongst family and friends. Ours was one for the books. We ended the day with stuffed bellies and full hearts.

And yay for the upcoming holiday season! Bring on all the Christmas cheer! 

Currently....

Sorry in advance for this sob story of a post, 

but I was feeling the need to get a few things off my chest....

My big boy. He is finally just recovering from a six day long bug and we've been cooped up in our home, quarantined, for most of it. It's been a trying week, with lots of tears, on both ends honestly. We've played with every toy car and choo choo, made shapes of every kind with play doh, and watched every darn episode of 'ruff ruff, tweet, and dave' that On Demand has to offer. Getting him to eat a hearty meal has been an ongoing struggle, and the NEED for a lollipop has been more than once a day. 

My little one. He is active nearly all day long. My belly is stretched and itchy. It is a struggle to roll out of bed each and every time I have to pee in the middle of the night. Providing care to my sick patients for nearly thirteen hours on my feet is becoming harder with every shift. Bending to pick up matchbox cars three times a day is my worst nightmare. At 38 weeks, and two days I can safely say that my body has had enough. I am beyond ready to meet our little babe. I am ready to be an official mama of two. Please come soon baby boy. 

Family. My little unit of four is so very loved. We have an incredible support system that I thank God for each and every day. But with every family comes struggles. I feel no need to get into details, as many of these issues are very personal, but I will be the first to admit, that the stress I feel and the worry that consumes me when thinking of some I love most is at times more than I care to bare. I pray for recovery. I pray for health. And I now realize that sometimes that is all you can do. You can't force someone to change. You can't force them to recognize the many blessings in their lives. You can only remain hopeful.

So life hasn't been the easiest around these parts lately. It's been challenging to say the least. It's times like these that I am so thankful for my right hand man. My husband is truly my saving grace. He is endlessly supportive and conscious of my needs. He makes the ups so incredibly good, and he makes the downs so much more bearable. I don't know where I would be without him in this life and Lord knows I never want to find out.

So I guess my overall point is this...
"Life isn't meant to be easy, it's meant to be lived. Sometimes happy, other time rough.
But with every up and down, you learn lessons that make you strong." - unknown
We've got a tough load, but it will soon lighten. The joy of our little boy will soon be upon us. The joy of my two perfect little boys meeting for the first time. The joy and excitement of the holiday season with family and friends. Although our 'right now' isn't perfect, it is these moments that are shaping me into a better, stronger person and for that I am thankful. 

Baby Prep

Nursery. Nearly complete, needing a few minor touches here and there. Tour coming soon.

Name. Got it, love it, yet saving to share until the his big arrival.

Pump. Ordered and should be arriving any day. I am excited to give breastfeeding another shot. The first go-round came with lots of challenges. From latching initially, to dozing during his midnight feeds... Al could just never seem to nurse long enough to fill his little belly. He was tearful, I was tearful, and so the unfortunate double breast-pump was our solution. It did the job, but it was more of a hassle than anything else. I was bottle feeding, pumping, washing bottles, repeat... it was three times the work and eventually, after about 5 months, I tuckered out. My supply dwindled during his recovery, mostly due to stress, but also because I headed back to work, which was an additional stressor. Towards my final month of nursing, I did breastfeed him some during the day here and there, and my comfort level did grow quite a bit. I started to kind of love and look forward to those quiet, special moments of bonding with my boy. I really pray this next time comes easily to both me and my littlest one. I know now not to put too much pressure on myself. I know to focus on his hunger cues as opposed to the clock. I know about 'cluster feeding' in the evening and how to prepare for it. I know that breastfeeding is beautiful and to not be overly modest about such a normal and natural thing. I'm ready to give it another go.

Hospital Bag. It's packed and ready to roll. Just the essentials.
For Mom - a button down pj set, slippers,  flip-flops (for showering), two nursing tanks, new (large, cotton) black undies, leggings, a loose tunic or two, and my go-to prenatal vitamins.
For Dad- comfy sweats, slippers, chargers, iPad, camera, and snacks.
For the Babe - a going home outfit, hat included (newborn and 3 months, just in case he's a chub), swaddles, a boppy pillow for nursing, pacifiers, and a soft blanket for the ride home.

Big Brother. Well, I'm not sure if he's fully prepared, but it's safe to say we have made a solid effort to prep Alec for this huge life change as much as possible. We've read about five books about becoming a big brother (at least 15 times each). We've taught him the importance of being mommy and daddy's big helper once baby arrives. We've purchased at least three new 'big bro' tees for him to rock when he visits his new little brother at the hospital. We have lined up my parents to watch him overnight for a couple days or so. They will be staying at our house, with the goal being to disrupt his routine as minimally as possible. We have put together a special big brother kit, consisting of some new toys, movies, games, and snacks to keep him occupied while we are away. I realize that no matter what we do to plan for our new babe's arrival, it will no doubt be a large adjustment for Alec. But I figure every effort to make the transition just that more gentle is worth it.

Baby Gear. Fortunately, because it's our second, and because it's a boy, we have most of what we need. We have the swing, the rock'n'play, and the pack'n'play. We have a play mat, a bumbo seat, and about a hundred swaddles, velcro included. We have bins upon bins of clothes that will hopefully translate into the appropriate season. We have three different baby carriers, an infant car seat with two bases, and three different single strollers. But although we have a ton of things baby, there were a few new things we needed to invest in.

A double stroller, we chose this one, currently on sale at Babies'r'us for only $239.99 (which is actually a stellar price). I was initially interested in this one, but after reading a ton of reviews and an actual test drive at the store, I was super happy with our choice.

A bassinet. I actually didn't have to purchase a bassinet, as my sister had one that she was willing to lend. I'm sure some folks don't think this item is incredibly essential, but to me it is, and I'll tell you why. Alec slept in the rock'n'play for his first few months of life. Because that darn piece of baby gear is so dang cozy, we literally had to wean him out of it. The crib transition was incredibly challenging, involving a wedge, a fleece blanket, AND a towel roll. Excessive I know, but it was about survival. Sooo, in an effort to avoid all the extra hassle, the bassinet is going to be my initial go-to.

An additional crib. We chose this one, super basic, but all we should need for the first six months or so. I just didn't feel like Alec was ready to go into a toddler bed. He has been sleeping so well in his crib, I figure, why disrupt the routine right before a huge life adjustment. So we will attempt the crib weaning, as well as, potting training after the hustle bustle of the holiday season. Hey, if all is well, why rock the boat?! At least that's my motto.

Some fresh pacifiers and a few bottles. I didn't go to town when purchasing these two items, because I remember going through lot of trial and error before we found the go-to pacifier and bottle that worked for Alec. Every kid is different, so I didn't want to limit baby number two to what worked for baby number one. I'll let him decide what he likes best, and take it from there.

A sound machine. A must in my book, especially now that we have two children. These handy little devices drown out just about every noise, and allow for a restful night's sleep, even when chaos is potentially brewing in another room of your home. That noisy trash truck, not a concern. Putting away dishes during nap time, no problemo. I also love the projector feature on this particular model. We didn't use it initially, but now gazing at the stars has become part of our nightly routine with Alec.

Anyways, that's the extent of our baby prep. I've done some intense cleaning, rearranging, and organizing as well. And at this stage in the game, I am feeling more than ready to welcome our new little babe into our home. I pray that labor comes easily. I pray that Alec adjusts well. I pray that God gives me the strength and patience to handle two little ones on my own each day. Wish me luck! And a huge shout out to all you moms out there doing your best to make it work each and everyday. Motherhood is quite possibly the most rewarding, yet challenging, adventure that I have taken on in my lifetime that is for sure.

I am so ready to experience this cuteness all over again. Bring on that baby smell, those snuggly warm naps, and milk comas galore. 

31 weeks & Thoughts on Turning the Big 3-0

Helloooo third trimester! How did you get here so fast? It's amazing how quickly time flies when you have a little wild thing to chase after each day. This pregnancy has been a pretty smooth ride and I am pretty surprised with how good I am still feeling this far along. I'm getting nervous though… a happy, healthy nervous. It's hard to imagine our family of three as a family of four, but I am more than excited to meet this little bundle of joy. Over the last few weeks, we have been getting little man's nursery all fixed up so it's a ready to go come November. It's been fun to create a new space within our home. Alec knows that the little room to his left is his "baby brudder's" room and we often sit on the floor together and re-read all the stories I once read to him back in his early stages of life. I think Al is going to make one heck of a big bro. I am really looking forward to seeing my two littles together.

Life is has been hectic lately. We have been road tripping to the beach these past few weekends and most of the time during the week, we have been playing catch-up… trying to run quick errands and get our home back in order. I am looking forward to Autumn. Praying hard that life slows down a touch so we can soak up these last moments together as three. I am also turning thirty this week. I thought I'd be a bit stressed about this upcoming milestone, but in fact, I am actually feeling more than ready. Bring it on thirty, I embrace you.

When I look back over the last ten years, I am more than content with how my twenties panned out. I graduated nursing school, started a rewarding career, married my best friend, and welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world. It's been a roller coaster ride for sure, but each and every moment was perfect, because it led me to this life. And my life is pretty darn great these days. And what's most exciting is that I think these next ten years are going to be even more fulfilling.

Whoaaa Baby

Well, if you follow me on social media you probably already know... the cat's outta the bag, WE ARE EXPECTING again! A new little addition due in Mid-November. My little hiatus from this here blog can be ever explained by my overwhelming exhaustion and countless bouts of excruciating heartburn. But alas… we are hitting week 14 and things are looking up over here. My energy levels are improving  (slightly) and I have learned to avoid most of the foods that make me feel like my chest is on fire.

As most avid readers know, as previously stated in this post, this little babe was NOT part of the 2015 plan. We had originally decided to hold off on expanding our little family until Alec was through his next stage heart surgery. But as it turns out, I am learning that (once again) I have absolutely no control and that God has his own interesting plan for us. So although very surprised (shocked is more like it), we are incredibly excited to be expanding our little brood.

This go-round has been a bit more difficult for me. For starters, I wasn't really expecting it, so I wasn't mentally prepared for the side affects of growing another human. I swear I have never been this tired in my life. I doze off nearly everyday during Alec's afternoon nap. I am incredibly unproductive, I'd even go out on a limb to say that I have just been plain lazy (which is very out of character for me). I haven't ingested a salad in weeks, and lucky charms have become a staple in my diet. I'm not proud of it… but to be honest, I don't really care. I'm just trying to survive. Dramatic, I know, but any Mom of more than one can probably relate.

So I haven't been feeling fantastic. And I don't know if it's my hormones or what, but this time just hasn't felt quite the same as the first time. I am still in the slightly chubby phase of pregnancy, and I just can't get comfortable in my own skin lately and that's something I'm not super used to. Despite not loving my current look, I am really doing my best to soak all this up. This is a blessing. What is happening inside me is pretty out-of-this-world amazing and I am super lucky to be able to do this again. I am focusing hard on the one-on-one time I have with Alec, knowing that this will only last a few months longer. I am napping whenever possible, knowing that naps will be few and far between with two little ones. And I am enjoying trips to the local creamery once or so a week, and I'm not holding back, because who knows when I'll be able to eat ice cream again guiltlessly.

All this change is so exciting, and so (sort of) scary. To imagine loving another little human as much as I love Alec is just crazy to me. But it's funny, I already feel my heart making more room. There is no experience in life that I have ever loved more than being a mama. Sure it has it's challenges, but it's the best darn job there ever was and I am beyond pumped to experience it all over again. I will keep you all posted on how things are going. On June 15th, we have our second trimester screening. This appointment is super special because not only do we get see that our baby is healthy and perfect, but we also get to find out the gender. Right now, my bet is a little lady, but I change my mind daily so who knows. Please keep baby Drake in your thoughts and prayers as he/she continues to grow and thanks to all for the well wishes and support.

Just Keep Swimming

I'm about to get a little serious over here, so if you're not up for it, back away from the blog. I am not sure if it's my pre-menstrual self (too much I know) but this week has been hard, especially hard and there have been moments where I just want to scream. But I don't, instead, I take a few deep, cleansing breaths and do whatever I can to keep myself together.

For starters, Alec's first set of molars are coming in and let me tell you, the kid is a hot mess… like melt-down city for the last week and I am digging deep to find every ounce of patience I have within me. I think it's so challenging because he is normally this really go-with-the-flow toddler so all this tantrumy (yes, tantrumy) behavior is so out of character for him. I realize that he can't be comfortable, but at the same time, I am wondering to myself… is this his teeth or he is just testing me? Is he hitting that stage of life where he wants to test the waters, see what he can get away with, see what Mom and Dad will do? I am a first-timer at this whole mom thing and most days I think I am doing a pretty decent job, but this week I just don't know. It's been a hard, challenging week and I am really hoping all of this crazy behavior is just a stage that will resolve very soon (actually, today would be great).

I also got some crumby news at work this week. I was told that I won't be able to move into a new position that (I thought) was completely set in stone. This 'new' position was going to be so great for me and my family. It offered better hours, less out-of-pocket cost for benefits…it allowed Kiel to spend more time at work, so he could focus more attention on his blossoming career… it allowed me to be home ALL week with Alec so I wouldn't have to constantly sleep deprive myself while working shift work. There were so many positive changes that this new position would offer and I am beyond bummed that it's suddenly not in the cards for me. But alas, I know things will work out. They always do. So, in the meantime, I've just go to keep my chin up, stay busy, and focus on the now. I should probably just be grateful that I have a flexible job in the first place. So, grateful I will be.

There's more on my mind, there is always more, but no need to dwell. Because the truth is, we all go through these little rough patches in life. Sometimes things just don't go as planned and life gets kind of hard… and then suddenly it gets good again, like really good and this roller coaster that we call life wouldn't be nearly as beautiful without moments like this to put it all into perspective.

Anyway, that's my two cents this week. I hope life is treating you well.