"We are not perfect human beings,

nor do we have to pretend to be,

but it is necessary for us

 to be the best version of ourselves we can be."

-satsuki shibuya

I came across this little gem while scrolling through my pinterest feed this morning. I read it and pondered it for a few minutes. I began to think about my behavior over the last week, and I can safely say, that I have NOT been the best version of myself whatsoever. In fact, I've been pretty miserable.

Alec has been sick since last Wednesday. It began with a fever, something viral I assumed. On Sunday, the lingering low grade fever sent us to the walk-in medical unit, where the doc diagnosed Al with a left ear infection. We started antibiotics and are hopeful that things turn around here soon. The last six days have been rough. Sleep has been extremely minimal, and our poor little guy has been in a lot of discomfort. There really is nothing more sad than a sick little one, especially when they can't fully communicate their needs. 

Between working nightshift and sleepless nights with my boy, I have been crabby as ever and my poor, saint of a husband has had to take the brunt of my wretchedness. I am grateful for his patience and unconditional love. He sees the best in me, even when I am at my worst. Today, I vow to make a change. No one likes a complainer. No one flocks to negativity. So despite my exhaustion, I am going to dig deep to become the better version of me, because after all, that is what my family deserves. 

I'm not sure who said it... but I love it. Happy Thursday!

Truth.

Today's To do...

Isaiah 46:4

When it comes to our little man, things have not gone quite as smoothly as I had hoped they would. At times, I tend to get very overwhelmed with emotion when I think of all the abnormal worries that Kiel and I have to carry because of our little man's heart condition. He isn't even physically here yet, and he is constantly on my mind. I found this beautiful bible verse above on pinterest and it really spoke to me. I view it almost everyday and I relate it to my little man and his future struggles. I know that Kiel and I will be great parents to our boy, and when times get tough I will do everything in my power to limit his stress and comfort him.

We have another CHOP visit on July 1st. We will get another echocardiogram to evaluate his little heart. I'm hoping and praying for some encouraging news. Call it mother's intuition, but I have a really good feeling about everything. We are doing what we can to stay positive and our hopes are definitely high. Please keep our family in your prayers. 

Baby Drake Update

Kiel and I are so overwhelming grateful to live where we do. Not only do we have one incredible facility that offers treatment for our little man's condition, but we have two... One of which is the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. 

A close friend encouraged me to check out CHOP's website, and to also consider touring the facility. Being the computer junkie that I am, I immediately hopped online and gave the website a look. It offered SO much information, and I figured it couldn't hurt to shoot them an e-mail. To my surprise, one of their nursing coordinators called me back within 24 hours. She offered me an immense amount of information and guidance, and within one phone conversation I felt solid in my decision to meet with the CHOP team. 

We headed north today with high hopes. We had a repeat fetal echocardiogram, and then met with a cardiologist, nursing coordinator, and social worker all at once. The diagnosis remains the same, baby boy has tricuspid valve atresia. The cardiologist went over the course of fetal monitoring, delivery, and surgical procedures. I don't know if it was the physician, or the fact that we already had some knowledge under our belts, but things all made a little more sense this second time around. Next, the social worker offered us emotional support, and explained the transition process to us in detail. Finally, the nursing coordinator took us on a tour of the special delivery unit (where I can actually deliver my son and stay just 20 ft away from him after his birth... a miracle, honestly), the CICU, and the cardiac step-down unit. Let me tell you, this facility is no joke. 

So how is baby boy? Despite his little heart, he is doing pretty darn great in there. He is about one pound already, and all his other organs seem to be growing well. His latest echocardiogram shows that he may not need the first surgery after all... he actually may not even need to be on prostaglandins. Kiel and I were both so relieved to hear this news. It was so wonderful to finally be given some positive information. With that being said, things are still apt to change, and we are taking everything one day at a time. 

If I've learned anything, it is that worrying will not change the outcome. We will not let this one thing take away from the joyous experience of parenthood. I realize how important it is to remain positive, trust in our medical team, and to focus on my health so that I can carry my little guy to term. 

We will continue to reach out to all of our wonderful support system. And of course, we will continue to pray. Our little man could use all the prayers he can get... so if you don't mind, send some prayers our way! 

Ain't that the truth.

I want to live simply. I want to sit by the window when it rains and read books I’ll never be tested on. I want to paint because I want to, not because I’ve got something to prove. I want to listen to my body, fall asleep when the moon is high and wake up slowly, with no place to rush off to. I want not to be governed by money or clocks or any of the artificial restraints that humanity imposes on itself. I just want to be, boundless and infinite.

 wild child, full of grace  (via mchl)

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”— Emily Brontë

Feeling extra lucky to be married to this guy lately :)

Honest Moments

Beautiful words.

"You need to let it be alright that you don’t know how it’s going to go. You’re holding on too rigidly to something that is free flowing… do you understand?" Bashar 

Stop trying to “get it together.” 

The biggest lie we’re told when we’re growing up is that soon as we’re adults, as soon as we’re in college, finish college, get that job, have that steady income, find that someone special, “find ourselves,” find that perfect house, get that retirement fund, have those children, everything will fall into place. Here’s a secret: it won’t. Every new development in your life, good or bad, big or small, will come with its own very special set of challenges. The sooner you accept that, the better off you’ll be.

In need of some positivity this morning...

determined to make the best of today.

Soul Mates?

What a wise little nugget.

Happy Friday!

“I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery—air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, this is what it is to be happy.” ♥ - Sylvia Plath

There are two people you’ll meet in your life. One will run a finger down the index of who you are and jump straight to the parts of you that peak their interest. The other will take his or her time reading through every one of your chapters and maybe fold corners of you that inspired them most. You will meet these two people; it is a given. It is the third that you’ll never see coming. That one person who not only finishes your sentences, but keeps the book.

Beautiful quote.

The Greatest

Can't believe we've almost been married a whole two years. Feels like just yesterday, I met this handsome man back in college. Feelin pretty luck right about now.

Note To Self

ain't that the truth.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND.