Four Months.

It's so hard to believe that four months have past since our little boy entered this world. I honestly can't seem to remember life before him. Becoming a mama has been the most amazing experience for me and I don't want to miss a moment of Alec's life... especially now. Four months has proven to be the best month yet! Alec is finally starting to accept bedtime, awaking only 1-2 times throughout the night. He goes down each night between 6:30 to 7:30. He loves story time in the rocker and bath time is by far his favorite time of day. He is starting to show real glimpses of his personality and he is really is proving to be a lot like his mama...  'spirited' is the word we like to use to describe him best. Things are black and white for this little guy,  no grey area. He's either full of smiles or pouting out that little bottom lip. He's very inpatient when he's hungry. He is starting to warm up to social settings, each one getting a little easier. He has mastered the mean mug when he's tired. His little chuckle is hilarious. Tummy time is becoming a little more favorable, and our head control is improving with each day. He was a little behind in this area because of surgery, but we are quickly catching up! His cheeks and belly get bigger by the minute and I eat them up as much as I possibly can. He's just the best and I couldn't be more proud. 

This little boy has already taught me so much about life. He has taught me to slow the heck down! To soak up every minute, forget the laundry, and just relax. To stop worrying about tomorrow and just enjoy today. I am so very lucky to be his mama.

Bummer.

Unfortunately, the little guy landed himself in CHOP again on Friday. On Wednesday evening, I started to notice that his respiratory rate was quicker than usual. I kept a close eye on him that night and by Thursday morning I had put a call out to our cardiologist. The doctor thought Alec had maybe developed a minor cold or upper respiratory infection and he encouraged us to pay a visit to our local pediatrician if things seemed worse on Friday morning. Welp.. Friday morning we went in to see our pediatrician and she quickly encouraged us to head up to CHOP. I had a feeling in my gut that morning that this would be the case so I made sure to pack some bags prior to our visit. When we got to the ED, they shot a chest x-ray and assessed Alec from head to toe. His x-ray showed that he had a right sided pleural effusion, or excess fluid that accumulates between the fluid-filled spaces that surround the lungs. Excessive amounts of fluid can impair breathing by limiting the expansion of the lungs during ventilation... and this is exactly what was happening with Alec. The cardiology team seems to think that is most likely something called chylothorax. Chylothorax is a type of pleural effusion that can sometimes develop after cardiothoracic surgery when there is leakage from the thoracic duct or one of the main lymphatic vessels that drain to it. Fortunately, the cardiologist believes that it was slow to accumulate and that increasing the frequency of his diuretic doses should do the trick to resolve this issue easily. We were very thankful that this wasn't something more serious and that there is (hopefully) an easy fix. We are also very thankful that they didn't admit us to the hospital. (Sleeping in a plastic chair is no fun.. and nor is a sleep-deprived four month old). Because of my medical background, the cardiologist was comfortable sending us home. Kiel and I have good instincts and together we have kept a very watchful eye over the weekend. Overall, Alec has improved (thank goodness!) and we follow-up with our cardiac team on Tuesday afternoon. Please send some good vibes our way! I am very hopeful that 2014 is going to be a better, less stressful year for our little family.

I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, “Kiss me harder,” and “You’re a good person,” and, “You brighten my day.” I live my life as straight-forward as possible.

Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.

Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands.

But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.

And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.

We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.

We never know when the bus is coming.

Rachel C. Lewis, Tell The People You Love That You Love Them 

Five Things.

1. Since Alec was born, Kiel and I have recorded more videos and taken more photos then ever before, but somehow it never feels like enough. Often at night, after Alec goes to sleep, we find ourselves looking back at old videos and photographs of our little man from just months ago. So much has changed with each passing month and I don't want to miss a moment of it. 

2. If there is one thing having a child has taught me, it is to live in the moment. Just when I think I have a plan all set.. Alec decides to create a plan of his own. Being that he was born with a congenital heart defect, especially one that requires surgeries and extensive treatment, I quickly learned that each moment we have is a gift because you never know what the future holds. I don't mean that to be negative at all, but my experience has shown me that life is unpredictable and all we really have is the present moment... so enjoy it.

3. Some days I don't leave the house. Most days I wake up... take care of Alec all day.. and often I head into work nightshift just after Kiel walks through the door. There are rarely days that I can run out on my own and do something for myself. One thing I have learned to love over the past few months is yoga. It really helps me to clear my mind, stretch my muscles, and truly relax. My gym offers an hour-long class three days a week and I am going to try my darndest in 2014 to go at least one day a week. After all, I deserve a one hour break every now and again. I also need to take more time to shave my legs. I will also try and do that more often in 2014...

4. Number three really ties right in to number four. Along with hopefully attending yoga once a week, I would really like to try and do some sort of home workout while Alec naps a few days a week. This seems like an easy task, but A. Alec is a cat napper; therefore, I only usually have about a half hour of free time here and there throughout the day and B. I am constantly trying to fit my entire adult life into one half hour nap time. Either way, I am going to try, because although I may appear back to my old weight again, things are in need of some serious toning before bathing suit season.

5. I am so excited for 2014! We will be moving into our new home at the end of March and I am thrilled to start fresh in a new space. With this new home comes a larger mortgage and I am learning that I need to curb my spending habits quite a bit if I want to be able to live comfortably. One of my goals is to live more simply... focus more of my attention on what my family needs, as opposed to what I want. To live more simply and to create a lively space for my family to grow. 

Cheers to 2014! I cannot wait to see what this year ahead brings!